


I'm Not Gonna Break

by xoxoKiTtYxoxo (DramamineOnTopOfMe)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Panic Attacks, Premature Ejaculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:36:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18995518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramamineOnTopOfMe/pseuds/xoxoKiTtYxoxo
Summary: Blood covered his scrubs, and although everyone had congratulated him on a job well done, he felt surprisingly numb. Panic washed over him as he hit the locker room. He needed to get away, needed to find a place to hide.The stress of saving a patient's life in an elevator gets to George, and Alex steps up like the hero we know he is.*EDITED 5/27/19 BECAUSE HONESTLY THIS WAS A SHIT FIC**REUPLOADED*





	I'm Not Gonna Break

"Congrats, George! You did great in there!" A random PEDS nurse applauded as he passed her.

 

He didn't care too much about the others around him. He's covered in blood, and slightly anxious. He didn’t understand why Alex froze up.

 

_What the hell was with that anyway?_

 

Speak of the devil, Alex followed George all the way to the locker room, "George, what the hell?" George ignored him and made his way to one of the sinks, "George, what's wrong man? You just saved a guy's life, you should be celebrating!" Alex's voice was getting further away, panic setting in harshly.

 

"Leave me alone, Karev." He mumbled almost inaudibly. George stepped into a supply closet in the back of the locker room and shut the door.

 

"Hey George, are you okay?" Alex asked, concerned.

 

George didn’t respond for a few minutes. The only sign of life he gave was when he tripped over his own feet and took down a supply cart. The sound of the crash alerted Alex, and he didn’t wait to open the door to check for any damage.

 

"George what's wrong?" He asked again.

 

George gaped his mouth a bit like a fish, before finally whispering, "Panic attack."

 

Alex stood there for a second, not knowing what to do. Then, finally, he lurched forward to pat George’s shoulder, “I’ll be right back.” He then turned around and walked out of the closet. Not even a minute later, Alex returned with an unopened water bottle. He sat down on the floor next to George, put his left arm around him, and pulled him close.

 

“What-”

 

“Come here, O’Malley.” Alex maneuvered George a little, putting him between his own legs. A strong arm wrapped around George’s chest, effectively pulling his back up against Alex’s front.

 

"Seriously, what are you doing?" George asked.

 

Alex didn’t respond, just placed his face close to George’s neck. Sighing, he finally mumbled, "I'm helping you through your panic attack. Stay quiet and still, it's going to be okay."

 

Let’s be honest, that didn't do much for comforting George. He took in a large, unstable breath and pushed out an open sob.

 

Tears fell freely from his face. Surely, Alex felt them hit his hands as George started to fold over into himself. "Shh, you're going to be alright, O'Malley. You did good today. You saved someone in the elevator. You stepped up for me. You did really good today."

 

George sobbed again and Alex pulled the smaller man back into himself even harder.

 

"P-please make it stop," George choked out. He turned his whole body to put his face in Alex's chest. Alex, only moved to adjust George's legs around his waist, so he was straddling the man.

 

"I've got you, I've got you. Just breathe okay. Can you breathe for me?" Alex placed one of George’s hands on his chest. "Follow my breathing George."

 

The feeling of a steady heartbeat started to register in George’s mind, calming him.

It took exactly three minutes, but he calmed down, and Alex kept holding him even when he tried to pull away.

 

~~

 

Four hours had passed since George's panic attack in the closet, and neither man had spoken about it. George even refused to meet Alex's eyes.

 

"Karev, O'Malley, you two are going to be in the pit the rest of the night. Maybe Karev can learn something from O'Malley about doing his job, and not freezing during an emergency." Bailey looked disappointingly at Karev as she spoke.

 

"Let's go Bambi." Karev rolled his eyes once she looked away, and  pulled on George a little to get him moving.

 

This caught the attention of the girls, and they all watched, perplexed.

 

"What’s with that?" Christina asked.

 

Izzie shook her head and mumbled something about boys being boys.

 

~~

 

Once the pair got down to the pit, they took a second to regroup. Alex leaned down slightly to whisper, "Are you going to be okay?"

 

George nodded and mumbled, "It won't happen again Alex. You don't have to be looking over my shoulder. I'm sorry you saw that one, I'll make sure you don't see any more." He kept his eyes on the patient charts in front of him.

 

Irritated, Alex grabbed George’s arm firmly and pulled him into an empty trauma room. "No, no, no, you're going to tell me when you have another one Bambi. I know they suck, and I know they suck even more when you go through them alone. Just let me help you, damnit." He huffed.

 

George didn't know what to say, so he just numbly squeezed his friend's wrist in understanding.

 

"Just tell me if it gets bad again Bambi. That's all I ask." Alex’s eyes softened a little and he let go of George’s shoulder, dusting it off.

 

As he was about to leave the room, George mumbled, "I feel empty… I thought it would go away after I panicked, but, I still feel empty. There was a point today, after everything,” He waved a hand absently in the air, “that I felt okay again for a second but I don't remember what I was doing. And that freaks me out a bit, logically. But right now, talking about it, I feel nothing. That should worry me, but I don't care."  

 

~~ALEX~~

 

Alex was at a loss. Should he tell Chief about O'Malley? Should he just keep it to himself and hope for the best for his friend?

 

He'd sat on what George had disclosed all day. And, honestly, that was some deep, dark shit. It didn't sit right in Alex's stomach, the idea George felt such things. The man was like a puppy, and he didn't deserve that.

 

It sounded like depression with a side of generalized anxiety disorder, but he isn't a psychologist. Maybe he could convince George to go get a psych evaluation? That couldn't be held against him as a doctor.

 

"Stop thinking so hard man, I know I dumped on you today but you look like you're going to have an aneurysm and we _just_ got out of the hospital." George sidled up to Alex in a chair at Joe's.

 

Alex didn’t waste a second, "Do you think you may have GAD? Y'know, generalized anxiety disorder? I was reading up on it while there was downtime in the pit. I was also reading up on depression, and I know that isn't our area but I really think that's what could be going on. When I was a kid I had panic attacks. Doctor said they were stress related, because of my dad-"

 

George put his drink down a little roughly and cut Alex off, "I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 15. I have symptoms of depression, but they've never been diagnosed. I know what the issue is Alex. And I didn't ask for your help, you forced it.”

 

Alex gaped like a fish for a full minute. Who knew George could be so assertive?

 

“I’m sorry.” He sipped his drink and stared at the edge of the bar.

 

“I just- you said you wanted to help, but now you’re trying to diagnose me. It’s not helpful, and it’s none of your business, Alex. I know what I need to do to keep my anxiety in check, I sure as hell don’t need a babysitter.”

  
“I’m not trying to babysit you! I want to help! Jesus, George.”

 

Before George could say anything back, Cristina bounced up to the bar and nodded at the pair. "Boys, are you done having your little pow-wow so we ladies can join?"

 

George looked behind him to see both Meredith and Izzie standing there.

 

"How much of that conversation did you guys hear?" He asked.

 

Meredith sat down next to him and waved at Joe "Only the part about Alex babysitting you. Why? Are you guys hiding something from us?" She smiled through her words as Joe handed her a beer.

 

"No. I’m stealing him for the night to talk about a patient we had in the pit tonight. We can’t figure out what’s wrong with her." Alex responded before George could open his mouth.

 

The girls just nodded and started talking amongst themselves.

 

George looked at Alex questioningly, “What?” he mouthed.

 

“We’re actually gonna head out, the bar is getting kind of crowded.” He chugged the rest of his beer and stood up. After putting a twenty down for the beers,  he pulled on George’s arm and lifted him off of the chair.

 

“Okay, night boys!” Izzie looked their way for only a second, then continued her conversation with Cristina and Meredith.

 

As they walked back to Alex’s car, George finally spoke, “Why am I coming home with you?”

 

“Well, we do have patients we need to diagnose that are still in the pit.” Sarcasm started to drip from his voice, “But I really want to keep arguing with you about your depression. So we’re gonna have a few beers at mine then I’ll take you back to Meredith’s. Is that okay, or are you going to cry when I get you into the car?”

 

George rolled his eyes, then pulled on the passenger door.

 

"You were holding me." He said after a minute.

 

Alex scrunched his brow in confusion, "What?"

 

"When I felt completely calm today, you were holding me. It was after you told me to follow your breathing. I'd calmed down and I was just sitting in your lap." He fiddled with his fingers.

 

_Oh._

 

The sudden release of personal information gave Alex the courage for what to say next, "I froze because I failed my boards."

 

George gasped, "You can retake them right? You're still a doctor?" His eyes were wide and concern filled.

 

Alex nodded, "I’m still a doctor, at least until I fail the retake. I’m going to have to figure something out, because I'm not doing that again."

 

~~GEORGE~~

 

They lounged on the couch once they got to Alex’s apartment.The conversations went back and forth, from work to patient theories, they even talked about past relationships at one point. But most of the night was spent going over the basics for the boards retake.

 

Somehow, the men had fallen asleep together on the floor. When George woke up to go to the bathroom, it was around one. Alex’s arms caged him in.

 

But when George attempted to shimmy out, Alex stirred. "What the hell?” He asked groggily.

 

"We fell asleep and now I have to pee. Is it alright if I just take the couch when I get back?"

 

Alex sat up and shook his head, "No, you're coming to bed with me. My couch is disgusting and worse than my floor. I'm doing you a favor O'Malley." He knew not to fight, so he nodded and went to the bathroom. When he was done, George softly padded into Alex’s bedroom.

 

“Come lay down, I promise I won’t pop a boner or something.” Alex’s voice was muffled due to his face being smashed into his pillow. George slid under the covers next to his friend and closed his eyes.

 

The next time he woke up, George was being spooned by a much broader man. And George, admittedly, just sat with it for a minute. Alex was heavy and constant next to his already buzzing skin. Today was going to be a bad day for his anxiety. George had about an hour to get himself together before he had to haul ass to the hospital and hope for the best.

 

"What's wrong Bambi, I can feel you vibrating."

 _Oh god._ Alex Karev's sleep voice did things to George O'Malley. _Holy. Shit._

 

"I wake up like this a lot Alex, already anxious. And I'm in a place that I don't know yet. It just stresses me out." Alex brushed a hand across George's chest and stood up.

 

"I'm going to make coffee, feel free to use the shower or whatever."

 

George took a five minute shower and stepped back into Alex's room for his clothes. He'd only gotten his pants on when the panic hit him like a bus.

 

"Shit."

 

He sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and let the panic set in. His body vibrated, fingers numb and legs heavy.

 

Alex came in a few minutes later, saying that the coffee was ready but quickly stopped. George was shaking and his eyes were screwed shut.

 

"It's okay George, I'm right here." Alex pulled George to the bed, then he laid down with the smaller man. He maneuvered George so that his face was in Alex's neck and Alex was blocking him into the bed. He then put all of his weight on George, "Tell me if it hurts okay."

 

George came out of his panic quicker than the last time. And as he calmed down, George let his hands wander up to Alex's shoulders and neck, "Thank you."

 

His left hand settled in Alex's hair, lightly tugging the short locks. His right hand clasped onto his neck.

 

"No problem man," George smiled a little into the crook of Alex's neck.

 

"You can let me go y'know. I'm not panicking anymore." Alex only gripped his friend tighter and pressed a tiny kiss the corner of George's forehead.

 

"Shut up Bambi, just relax for a minute. Let your body come back to itself."

 

~~

 

A week had passed and George spent almost all of his free time with Alex. They went to the bar a few nights after work, but mostly, they stayed holed up in Alex’s apartment.

 

One morning, after both men had bailed on the bar early the night before, Meredith asked, “So is there a reason that George hasn’t slept at home in a week?”

 

George snorted lightly and kept changing. Alex on the other hand, answered, "He's been helping me study for the boards retake. I failed the first one and I can't study alone. I'm sorry that I stole him for a week, and you aren't getting him back soon, but he's been a lot of help for me." Alex was telling the truth, just not the whole truth. George was helping him study for the boards. But he skipped the part where Alex comforts George through his panic attacks.

 

The girls asked why Alex didn’t want their help, and he waved them off. Both men lagged behind the rest of the interns, and once everyone else left, George grabbed Alex by the arm and pulled him close.

 

This was the first time he’d initiated any real comfort from Alex. The bigger man just pulled him close and mumbled random words into his ear. "Sorry, I can feel the panic bubbling at the surface."

 

Alex pulled George into himself properly, then mumbled, "It's okay Bambi. I've got you." Alex then pressed a kiss to his smaller friend's cheek.

 

"I like this, what were doing." George chuckled while still attached to Alex. "Yeah, I like this too, Bambi. But we won’t be able to keep secrets from the girls for very long. Izzie will be a nosey bitch if she thinks we’re hiding something." Alex pulled back as he was speaking.

 

“Yeah, and I won’t hear the end of it from Mer.” Alex’s hands moved down to rest on George’s scrubbed up hips. He squeezed once.

 

"You know, you surprise me a bit, I never expected you to be a cuddly guy. I mean, you don’t come off that way.”

 

Alex leaned in a bit, about three inches from George's face, and he stopped.

 

"I’m a cuddly guy for certain people. Do you mind?" Alex whispered so lightly that George could barely feel the breath hitting his lips. He shook his head and glanced down at Alex's mouth.

 

"Can I just um.." He didn't finish, just closed the distance. It was soft and slow, careful. George didn't know whether he was stepping a boundary.

 

Alex pulled away, nodding, "Yeah, you can um, whenever you want, you can do that." Then he leaned in again for another go. He was soft and careful, treating George like glass.

 

They pulled away suddenly, hearing the door to the locker room open, “Guys? You coming or are you having a dick measuring contest?” Cristina’s voice echoed into the large room.

 

“We’re coming, Jesus!” George stuttered.

 

~~

 

More time had passed, about two and a half weeks. The girls had plotted and schemed about how to get George the hell away from Alex.

 

"We need to get George alone, we need to tell him that we're concerned about him spending so much time with Alex." Izzie continued from her already too-long speech about how Alex was just out to cause trouble.

 

Cristina stopped her, "You ever thought that they actually care about each other? Like I get that it's Alex and he can't be trusted right away but they _have_ been spending every day together for closer to a month."

 

Meredith folded her arms and nodded her head. "Yeah Izzie, from what we saw the other day, it doesn't seem like Alex is just toying with George. And even if he was, don't you think George would have noticed by now?"

 

**~~FLASHBACK~~**

 

**The boys were sitting at the bar, it was late, around three am; last call was happening soon. George and Alex didn’t mind though, they knew that they’d just go back to Alex’s apartment and finish their conversation there.**

 

**The girls walked into the bar quietly, knowing Alex and George were there late. They never saw the men outside of work anymore, and Meredith was upset about it.**

**  
** **“What are we going to do if they see us?” Izzie whispered once they sat down at a table ten feet away.**

 **  
** **“Run like hell, obviously.” Cristina scoffed, eyes fixed on the pair at the bar.**

 

**Suddenly, a laugh erupted from Alex, “George! That’s not how you win at foosball! You need to body check the other person so they fall!”**

 

**“Oh yeah? Care to demonstrate?” George stood up, pointing towards the foosball table closer to the girls.**

 

**“It’s on, O’Malley.”**

**  
** **They grabbed their beers and eased to the table.**

**“Okay so, you need to start normally. Can’t let the other person know you’re planning on making them faceplant into the floor in a few minutes.” Alex set his drink down on the corner of the table and gripped two of the handles in the middle.**

 

**George put his drink down as well and followed Alex. “Now, play as normal.”**

 

**They kicked off the game, immediately shouting obscenities at each other.**

 

**A few minutes in, Alex swiftly jumped to the other side of the table and shoved George. The smaller man lost his footing and flailed to catch himself.**

 

**He never hit the ground, as Alex’s arms wrapped around his lithe frame. “Well that was fucking rude.” George giggled.**

 

**As they straightened out, Alex caressed George’s hand.**

 

**Izzie’s eyes nearly popped out of her head at the motion.**

 

**“I don’t think I ever actually thanked you for helping me study for my boards retake, Bambi.”**

 

**“You didn’t, but I don’t mind. You can thank me by never freezing up on me in an elevator again.” George snorted.**

 

**Alex rolled his eyes, “Jesus, are we ever going to let that go?”**

 

**“No.” He was cackling now, left hand falling to his knee for support.**

 

**“Fine. Whatever.” Alex leaned forward, right hand coming up to graze George’s neck. He softly placed his lips on George’s, and hummed in contentment.**

 

**“Okay what the fuck?” Cristina choked on the piece of popcorn in her mouth at the sight.**

 

~~

 

George was lounging on Alex's bed one night. He was quietly reading through the textbook, looking for questions to quiz Alex on. The younger man walked into the bedroom and jumped on the bed.

 

"Bambi, I think we should go over procedures again. My retake is in a few days."

 

George smiled and looked up at him. He took a quick breath, Alex was still wet from his shower he took ten minutes ago.

 

George set the book down and laid back on the bed while tapping his chest a few times.

 

"Oh I get it, you only like me when I'm clean and wet." Alex slyly moved over to the smaller man and place his lips on the other's. George sighed into it and pulled Alex on top of himself. He mumbled against the other's skin.

 

Alex pulled his head back and put his body further down on George, his hips slotted between George’s legs.

 

"Hmm?"

 

"I said that I like what we're doing. I like kissing you and cuddling and if we get to sex sometime that would be great too. I like what we have, and I'm thankful for you following me into the linen closet that day."

 

Alex kissed him so sweetly that George thought he might burst. "We can have sex now if you want? I've been with men, I've been a bottom. We can do whatever you're comfortable with, baby."

 

"Do you have a condom?" He asked shyly. Alex nodded and slid his tongue along George's throat. George strangled a quiet moan when Alex ran his tongue over George's clavicle.

 

"Don't be quiet. I want to hear you Bambi."

 

_I'm a fucking goner._

 

He licked over George’s collar again and this time the smaller man didn’t hide his noises.

 

"Can I um, can I fuck you?" He moaned.

"Yes," Alex said before reaching over and pulling out a condom and lube from his drawer next to the bed. Alex shimmied out of his shorts and boxers and looked down at George with a soft look. "We can go as slow as you want baby. I just wanted out of my pants." George smiled and nodded.

 

"So do I-?" George grabbed for the lube but Alex pulled it away.

 

"I'll take care of myself baby, you just relax and watch." Alex spread his own legs and squirted some lube into his hand. After spreading it around for a minute, he stuck a digit in.

 

George watched as his face remained uncomfortable for another minute. Then he changed, Alex let out a moan, a rather loud one at that. "Oh fuck."

 

_Oh, that's hot._

 

George shoved a hand down his shorts, and started to tug at his own member. Alex worked his finger in and out of himself. George noticed that he was flexing his finger to reach his prostate. Alex abruptly stuck another finger, than a third not long after that.

 

"George, baby," Alex moaned again and gasped. George nearly ripped his shorts off in an attempt to get ready. He snagged the condom off the bed, and ripped it open. He rapidly stuck the condom on his dick and moved towards the bigger man. George snuck some extra lube on his dick, hoping to make sliding into Alex easier.

 

"Mmm, George!" Alex's toes curled and George gasped. He'd never been so turned on. His dick was leaking inside of the condom and his balls were pulsating.

 

"Fuck Alex. Fuck you're so fucking gorgeous like this. Can I-?"

 

Alex gripped George's wrist tightly, "Fuck me George. Please just fuck me."

 

George lined himself up and batted Alex’s fingers away from his own body. After a second, he started to push himself in. George's cock filled Alex so nicely, pressed up against every inch of his walls.

 

"Jesus Christ," Alex gasped when George bottomed out. He moved his hips, attempting to gain some friction. George quickly pulled back and thrust in, hard. “Shi-” George cut off his words with a kiss.

 

He kept a solid pace, making sure to jerk Alex’s swelling dick in time. He swiped a thumb over the head and earned a shout, "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

 

Alex clenched down around George and it was over as soon as it started. George thrust one last time before cumming inside of his friend. Alex ground down into the base of George's cock and moaned. His orgasm washed over him as well.

 

He pulled off and laid next to Alex. "Shit," He gasped. Alex leaned over and just placed his lips on George's. Neither moved or actually kissed back, just pressed together while they recovered.

 

"Bambi." He hummed.

 

“I’m sorry that didn’t last very long, I’m out of practice.” George snuck the joke in at the end. He hoped that it distracted from his premature climax.

 

“I wasn’t going to last either, it’s okay Bambi.”

 

~~

Out of the blue, two months after everything had started, the girls walked up to George and Alex.

 

"George can we talk to you alone?" Izzie glared at Alex while she spoke.

 

George shook his head and said "No. I get that you don't want me to be around him. And if that's all you are concerned about then you can just go away. I get it."

 

Cristina put her hand out to grip George's shoulder, "Bambi, we're worried he's going to break you. We think he doesn't care about you like you care about him." George glanced at Alex for half a second. He looked like he was about to walk away.

 

Then Meredith spoke, "We don't want him to break you George, that's all."

 

He'd been avoiding saying this for a while but it needed to be said now. Alex turned to walk away but George stopped him by whispering, "I'm not gonna break. I'm starting to get a little freaked out but I'm not gonna break. It's not because I don't care, because I do care what you think about me, I do... care."

 

George reached out for Alex. When he finally got a hold of the other man’s scrubs, he tugged him close.

 

George looked back to the girls and continued, "I just can't tell you what you want to hear. He’s not going to break me, I don’t think he could even if he tried. It's exhausting trying to hide this from you guys, because you’re my friends and I want you to support me. But you don’t like him, and well, it’s complicated. But that's life. And life... sucks."

 

Alex was staring at George now, he could feel it. But George wouldn't meet his eyes. "I’m not getting rid of him. He’s too good to me, and honestly, I’m a bit selfish." George finally met his eye, "I kind of fell in love with him, so you guys are just going to have to deal with it."

Alex stared at George for what felt like a year. Then, finally, he pulled George close. Alex kissed him like it was the first time, soft and careful. "I love you too." He whispered in finality.

 

~FIN~

  



End file.
